The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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