he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
