Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
