You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
