My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
