Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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