I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
