last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
