Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
