I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
