VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
