Apparently you make a good broom.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
