So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
