before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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