i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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