Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
