Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
