man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
why do cheetos always look like penises
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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