Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Drunk is not a location!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
