fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.