help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
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There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
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I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.