she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
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somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica