So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
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Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.