Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.