so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
