I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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