even my farts smell like vagina
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
