When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
