is wine microwaveable?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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