Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
