I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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