hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
