currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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