yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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