her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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