there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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