Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
