And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize