we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You need Xanax blowdarts
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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