I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
