His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
