bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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