It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
