Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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