You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
