Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
