You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
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apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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