Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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