we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
