You made me cry and you don't even care
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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