Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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