i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize