Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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