If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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