you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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