my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
