dude i'm inner monologue high
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your penis caused this!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
