Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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