Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
