everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
