No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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