Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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