the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
