I CAN MOONWALK!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
