That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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