I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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