ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
