So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
