Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
