I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
