I am puke
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
