Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
