It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
